IDOnotknowwhattimeIgottobed.Irememberundressing,puttingonabathrobe,andstandingoutonthebalcony.IknewIwasquitedrunk,andwhenIcameinIputonthelightovertheheadofthebedandstartedtoread.IwasreadingabookbyTurgenieff.ProbablyIreadthesametwopagesoverseveraltimes.ItwasoneofthestoriesinASportsman'sSketches.Ihadreaditbefore,butitseemedquitenew.Thecountrybecameveryclearandthefeelingofpressureinmyheadseemedtoloosen.IwasverydrunkandIdidnotwanttoshutmyeyesbecausetheroomwouldgoroundandround.IfIkeptonreadingthatfeelingwouldpass.
IheardBrettandRobertCohncomeupthestairs.Cohnsaidgoodnightoutsidethedoorandwentonuptohisroom.IheardBrettgointotheroomnextdoor.Mikewasalreadyinbed.Hehadcomeinwithmeanhourbefore.Hewokeasshecamein,andtheytalkedtogether.Iheardthemlaugh.Iturnedoffthelightandtriedtogotosleep.Itwasnotnecessarytoreadanymore.Icouldshutmyeyeswithoutgettingthewheelingsensation.ButIcouldnotsleep.Thereisnoreasonwhybecauseitisdarkyoushouldlookatthingsdifferentlyfromwhenitislight.Thehellthereisn't!
Ifiguredthatalloutonce,andforsixmonthsIneversleptwiththeelectriclightoff.Thatwasanotherbrightidea.Tohellwithwomen,anyway.Tohellwithyou,BrettAshley.
Womenmadesuchswellfriends.Awfullyswell.Inthefirstplace,youhadtobeinlovewithawomantohaveabasisoffriendship.IhadbeenhavingBrettforafriend.Ihadnotbeenthinkingabouthersideofit.Ihadbeengettingsomethingfornothing.Thatonlydelayedthepresentationofthebill.Thebillalwayscame.Thatwasoneoftheswellthingsyoucouldcounton.
IthoughtIhadpaidforeverything.Notlikethewomanpaysandpaysandpays.Noideaofretributionorpunishment.Justexchangeofvalues.Yougaveupsomethingandgotsomethingelse.Oryouworkedforsomething.Youpaidsomewayforeverythingthatwasanygood.IpaidmywayintoenoughthingsthatIliked,sothatIhadagoodtime.Eitheryoupaidbylearningaboutthem,orbyexperience,orbytakingchances,orbymoney.Enjoyinglivingwaslearningtogetyourmoney'sworthandknowingwhenyouhadit.Youcouldgetyourmoney'sworth.Theworldwasagoodplacetobuyin.Itseemedlikeafinephilosophy.Infiveyears,Ithought,itwillseemjustassillyasalltheotherfinephilosophiesI'vehad.
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